went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
