So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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