Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
