My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
