i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
