You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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