Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
