I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
