News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
this is an emotional support booty call
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