I must be too annoying 4 u.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
