this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
