I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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