I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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