I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Two words: nipple clamps
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