I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
