Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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