i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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