Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
