We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
love makes seman taste better
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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