I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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