that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
