I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
