Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
