We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
