I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
