Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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