I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
