Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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