The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
