Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
