her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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