I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
