Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
