some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
