There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Are my feet made of real feet?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
