I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
