Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
