Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
