naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So many bounce houses so little time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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