he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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