I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
