I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
