i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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