Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
