Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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