So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
