is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
