Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
