I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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