if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
